TwilightTime
黄昏时分
ReflexivelyIreachedtoturnonmycarradio,presettoKGBX,thesoft-roIalwayslistentoonmyearly-mdrivestomyjobatthepostoffiIglamy14-year-olddaughterinthepassehoughtIhadbetterturnoffit。
Lizworeadress。Thatinitselfbespokedtheseriousheo。Wewereonourwaytfield,Missouri,districtwidemusipetition,whereLizwouldbeplayingaflutesolo,herveryfirst。Iknewfrommyowiondaysbaesotathatitmessedwithyourtrationtohearanymusicbesidesthepieceyouwereplanningtoplay。
“Dadsaidhemighte,”Lizsaid。Herfatherhadn’tbeenabigpartofherlifesinceourdivorce10yearsearlier,andshesouhexdscared。
Ou,didIknowthatfeeling--wantingtoimpressyourfatheraime,beingterrifiedoflettinghimdown?SuddenlyIwas12yearsoldagain,sittiheMiemusipetition,fingerspoisedonthekeyboardofmyshinyblaItaliaa。Ilookedoutattheaudienceofproudparents。ThenIsawhim。Mydad。Hesatattheendofarow,armsfolded,crewcutbristling。Hispiergblueeyesnarrowedbehindhisblack-rimmedglassesandfowaveringlyonme。
Ipletelychoked。I’dpractitestpieonthsubyheart,i。Butmyfanightaswellhavebeenacardboardboxthatafternoosomesemblauageintears。
Noefrommyfather,aWorldWarIIveteraomizedauthority。Hedidn’tsayathitookthewheelofourstationwagon,hismouthagrimlioffonthe150-miledrivebacktoDuluth。Ididn’tsayaher。WhatcouldIsay,really,afterwhatI’ddone?IknewhowhardDadworkedtetherenoughmoneyformyaandlessons。Buttheoimehewasabletopetitiohimdown。
&herwedrove,themorethesilenourstationwagoilitstoodlikearablewallbetweenDadaseemedanespeciallyishmentgmusiourdeepest。
BythetimeIg,thelastoffive,myfatherwaswornoutfromthedemandsalargefamily。MybrothersandsistersandItiptoedaroundhimwhenhehisshiftatJeno’sPizzafactory。ButonSundayafternoons,Dadwouldsitbahisredaskmetoplayforhim。HelovedthemusicoftheBigBandera,ahawilightTime。Itaughtmyselfthetuhesheetmusi。Itdiderthatmyrenditionwaslastyle。Myfatherwouldhumalong,hiseyesclosed,tearsestheersasifI’dtraosomemagical,heavenlyplace。
DadneversaidawordtheentirewayhainattendedoneofmypetitiooverthehurtofhavingdisappoiheonepersonI’dmostwaomakeproud。I’dlostmorethanmyposurethatafterasifI’dlostthekeytomyfather’sheart,andhediedbeforeIditagain。
Whydidyouletmefailmyfather?I’dofteoGodintheyearssin’tyouatleasthavegivenmeaakeituptohim?“Mom,thisisit。”Mydaughter’svoiappedmebacktothepresent。IparkeditralHigh。“Good,Ihavetimeto,”Lizsaidaswewalkedintotheschool。
Ii,Liztookherfluteoutofitsfoldedhermusithroughherpieceflawlessly。Justbeforewesteppedialhall,Igaveherahug。“Relax,”Isaid。“Ytodogreat。”
Lizlaughednervously。“Maybeyoushouldwaittillthepetition’soverbeforeyoudecidethat。”Oher,thesoloistsscheduledbeforeLizplayed。Theclockinouslyclosetoher11:05performaime。“Dad’shere,”Lizwhisperedtome。“Ihearhiminthehallway。”Herfathertroopedin,gavideocamera。IfeltaflutterofayforLiz。ThehingIknewshewasheseatandingstifflyohepiano。Mr。Hillme,hersocial-studiesteadapanist,>
&asbadasoests,isit?”Lizchuckled,thetensioneasingfromherfadliftedtheflutetoherlips。
Lord,pleaseletherplayherbest。
Liztookadeepbreathaohersersdahesilverkeys。Themelodyfloatedoutoftheiandpurea。Iyeyes,lettingmyselfbecarriedawaybymydaughter’ssong。
IfotaboutthepetitiotaboutLiz’sperfinfroher。
Allatouredmyoatientlyenduringmynightlyapractisthoughhemusthaveyearnedforpeadquietafterhislongdaysatthepizzafaypracticaldad,adamantlyopposedtoanyki,gtomakepaymentsonatop-of-the-line,full-sizeawhenI’doutgrownmysedstudeern,seriousdad,gupan,pigoutthenotesofaswingyBigBaingthewholehousejumping。Myual,overworkedfather?leaningbahisreer,hisburdenschasedawaybytearsofjhisyouchildplayhisfav。
Mydad,whomusthavefeltsoawfulknowinghispreseedmefromplayiagethathehadn’tknownwhattosayordotoe--excepttostayasetmeatmysubsequeions。Dad,I’mshtyouointedinme。Iknowyoulovedmeevehanyoulovedmusic。IwishyouuchIloveyoutoo。IwishIcouldplayTwilightTimefain。
Lizputdoweandtookabowtothunderousapplause(well,thuoaproudmother,anyway)。“Mom,Ididhemusic,”Lizexthethewayhome。“Imean,Iwaslookingatit,butIdidoreadit。Ijustplayedaakemeaway。”Ikshemeant。
MafterLiz’spetitioformy4:30A。M。shiftatthepostoffice。Iycarradio。SileeadofKGBX’ssoftrock,outofthespeakerscametheunmistakablebrassysoundsofa194bahisstation?
Awoman’ssmokytraltoedwordsI’dneverheardsung,thoughtheywereprihetatteredsheetmusimyoldacase。“Heavenlyshadesofnightarefalling,it’stwilighttime。Outofthemist,yourvoiceisg,it’stwilighttime。Whenpurple-coloredsmarktheendofdayI’llhearyou,mydear,attwilighttime。”